Diversify Your Existence.
Why settle for one life when you can manage a portfolio? Poly-o-Poly: America's first municipality zoned for multiplication.
Master-Planned for Compartmentalization
Zoning for the Self
Our zoning laws don't just separate residential from commercial—they separate You A from You B.
Systematic Boundaries
Every cul-de-sac is a firewall. Every commute is a data wipe.
Architectural Intent
The houses were designed by architects who understood that a man needs at least three front doors.
The Geography of Multiple Lives
The Exposure Zone
High density. High foot traffic. High probability of running into Wife B while holding Wife C's dry cleaning. For experienced operators only.
The Sprawl
Identical ranch homes as far as the eye can see. Disorientation is a feature, not a bug. Your neighbors can't report what they can't distinguish.
The Network
Rapid transit between your selves. Delays are built in. Blame is always plausible.
The Portfolio Approach to Intimacy
Monogamy is a failure of imagination.
In Poly-o-Poly, we treat affection as an asset class.
Diversification is the only hedge against boredom.
Resident Advantages
1
Redundancy is Resilience
One family disappoints you? Rotate to the next. You are never without a bed to lie in.
2
Total Calendar Saturation
No more empty weekends. Every hour is claimed. Boredom is structurally impossible.
3
Narrative Density
Live a novel, not a pamphlet. (Most novels end poorly. This is not our concern.)
4
Continuous Adrenaline
The body adapts. The cortisol becomes a friend.
Operational Overhead
Scaling your existence incurs cognitive maintenance fees. Please be advised: the human brain was not optimized for triple-blind social navigation. Memory corruption, system overheating, and total identity liquidation are standard features of the platform, not defects.
Resident Churn Metrics (Year-to-Date)
Residents may appear in multiple categories. Most do.
The Aftermath
De-Merger Services
High volume. Express checkout. Validation not included.
The Reboot Center
Soft walls for hard landings. Average stay: involuntary.
The Mausoleum of Good Intentions
Climate-controlled storage for the possessions your third family never knew existed.
Terminal B
One-way tickets only. Cash preferred. Name optional.
Common System Errors
Memory Leak
You call her by the wrong name. She notices. You pretend you didn't.
Data Corruption
You can no longer remember which child plays soccer and which plays violin. You buy both a piano.
Fatal Exception
The silence at the dinner table when you realize you've told the same story twice—to the same wife.
"I had three families. Now I have none. The math seemed so simple." — Former Resident
Are You Solvent Enough?
We never said it was safe. We said it was rich. The optimal strategy is to own exactly as much as you can remember—and no more. We don't know what that amount is for you. Neither do you.